I'm typing again in my blog because I know nothing else to do right now. My house is fairly clean, I just can't get into any forums right now. Hard to congratulate someone on their kids success & milestones when I think of how Cammie & Gavin will never have more experiences  with their father.  That somethings cute or I like that kind of posts, even if I do like it, it's hard to come up with the compliment..., I don't feel like sewing, knitting, painting, nothing seems like something i want to do. I just have to get this out of my head and i want to stay occupied to keep my mind from crying again. I never even realized i cared this much about him, after all him & my sisters been through, but she loved him, loves him now and her pain and guilt seems overwhelming & it's breaking my heart.