Today was Tommy's  funeral. The wake was yesterday. Both days were very hard. It's seems so final now, he's really gone. His body lays in the ground. Wherever he is, I hope he can feel how much we all loved him & miss him. It's really true what they say, you never know how much someone means to you until they are gone.  Alot of friends came to our house after the services, we sat around talking of different times we'd had with him. I suppose most of my outside friends, the ones who call to check on me, offer condolances, the ones who didn't really know him, maybe they think that now we're just supposed to pick our lives back up like nothing happen, but I've got to change. I need to be better person, and definatly a better sister &  aunt. I sit home all week only getting out to grocery shop once a week for crying out loud.  And I hope all those friends he had that are doing drugs wake the hell up, and stop. The man at the funeral home was right, you never know when you will be gone, and we need to cherish every moment we have with the ones we have. Now I've had others in my life die, but never suddenly, like this. No chance to say the things you always want to say, apoligies you meant to make, goodbyes you meant to say....And what hurts the most, knowing there really is nothing I can do to make the pain my sister feels any less, I know the words are empty, and all I'm good for is to cry on, but for now being there is all I can do. So we'll cry together, until things start to feel a bit better again.