Today Kayden was vomiting off & on, could not  hold anything down. but acting fine, no fever, so the nurse that called me back thinks it may be a stomach virus. Hopefully he will feel better in the morning. we went downtown last night to watch Dwane's boss's band play. they were good but I could tell I was kind of a downer for others, being the DD I was not drinking, so they slowly drifted around while i sat at the table. The music was good though.

The pain of tommy's loss isn't as bad today, maybe because I've been keeping myself so occupied today. Cut back ALL the bushes & shrubs. Hauled them to the compost pile, grocery shopped. I wanted to go help my sister today, I know it's so hard for her moving back into the place they lived together. Last night someone told me, try to have fun, you know he would want you sitting around like this....true, but I just couldn't get into that mood. Just sitting there, my mind keeps going back to last week.  I still can't believe he's really gone. I feel so sad and angry. And i really wish people would stop asking me how i'm doing. How the heck would you feel? Just stop asking.

So October is right around the corner. My one year cellebration. I should be excited, I was. I'm thinking of taking a break. I may do a few random stockings, but i may shut down for a while. I'm undecided. We're so in debt, even if i found a job, it'd all go to gas & daycare. :( It's a loss/loss situation. Man, I hope this big stocking will go well. We so need the money & I want, no need to help my sister. She needs my help to get back on her feet. I'm going to attempt to scrap together some cash to go to thrift store, maybe they'll have some pots/pans/dishes, all that stuff she needs. Some clothes for her.  So in a few days I need to decide. Part of me says yes, do it, I can't handle the stress right now, life doesn't feel right now, things are so changed. but I shouldn't end my life as it was, I need to keep trying. Oh, the only way it'd be finacial worth me going back to work would be score a job at one of the plants, but they hardly ever hire, just more layoffs. I'm scared of ending up homeless myself right now, at the worst of course. Least worst, we probally are going to end up lossing the car. It's too high & just dragging us down.