Kayden spent most of the night vomiting & going back to sleep. poor dwane was an hour late for work. But he hasn't thrown up again since then, and is keeping the pedialite and crackers down, maybe he can have some applesauce or potatoes later. I am going to try to get the diaper cuts done & sewn today, or tomorrow. I am defiantly going to rip that carpet out of the hallway today. our landlord had said we could when we moved in, never got around to it. hum, housework & yardwork is keeping me fairly occupied. i feel awful not going out to my sister's place to help as promised, but Im sure others where there. So many people have been tryig to help out since tommy's gone. I'm glad, I'm glad if anything has come out of his death is that it is helping bring alot of peopple closer together, make us all re-evauate our lives, consider what is really important. I'm still unsure when i will stock for my one year.  but October is still a week away, plenty of time to decided. I honestly don't know what path life is going to take by then, it's a one day at a time life for me now. Not that i won't make plans for the future, even though we never know when it may not come for us. Me and Dwane need to get a formal will drawn out so there is no BS when it comes to my kiddos. yeah, death really truely does make you think about life. Still miss tommy, it still doesn't feel like he's NOT here,just that he should be. my head & my heart just don't want to make the conection I guess. And of course, the kids are trying to deal, i can't imagine it for them, at their age. So very young, it's not fair, not fair he had to be lost to them. And i am so fucking sick of the rumors spreading around, okay, his family doesn't know the real truth, not even a time of death yet! But I'm not putting that down here for the world to see. i know we all don't have to do nothing about it, cause karma will take care of everything, no matter how long it takes, eventually, you get what is coming to you.  I'm not even religious, I'm not sure what i believe, if there is a god, and if there is-then how can he do this, what is the big "plan" behind it?, but oh i have been praying, yes, praying for my sister, for cammie, for gavin, his mama, us all. For us to have less pain, to convince myself we all do have to get on with our live, quit dwelling on it, but with so many unanswered questions, problems, it's been almost immpossible.  praying, praying for tommy to watch over his children, help them be strong. And help us all from going crazy, the grief is so hard to bear, I feel everyones pain, and my own, we miss you so much.