It's been 2 weeks since I saw Tommy alive. It still doesn't feel real. But I haven't cried so much. Kayden being sick kept me occupied. But he's better today, so I'm thankful for that. But I feel like crap today, I hope I don't have what he had, don't feel like vomiting though. Probably just tired from all this months stressful events. my grandma in hospital, Tommy's death, Kayden's sick..just wore me out I think. I did a bit of sewing yesterday, made me feel better. Tasha came by yesterday, I'm glad she seemed to be doing better when I saw her. I wish we all could know the truth of what happen, i want to know, we deserve to know, even if it does hurt us. We need to know. And everyone's right, Tommy sure wouldn't want us all sitting around crying cause he's gone. but hard not too. When I think of the holidays coming up, and how he won't ever be there again on Christams morning, for anything, the pains almost enough to cave me in.  I think if something happened to my kids before I go, I will not be able to handle it, pretty damn sure anyway. It's still not fair, I know nothing can take him from our hearts, but still why can't he be here? Oh god, Tommy, I hope you are in heaven. We all still miss you so much, watch over Gavin & Cammie.