I feel, like...I'm going crazy. 3 cut off notices, & car insurance & payment due. So broke, it's not even funny. And what's sadder? After years of struggling on my own, when I finally ask for help, I get ignored. Fine, whatever. I'm on my own, no different than when i was a child almost. And I can't get Tommy out of my mind, all those stupid what ifs, pointless. And the sorrow around me, it soaks under my skin like a bad dream. It's not fair, not fair he is dead, and why? WHY? No answers for that, nothing but pain & regrets.  BUT tomorrow is my anniversary stocking, so fingers crossed that I make at least enough money to pay off ONE bill, with enough to re-up on some fabrics. Then my dd seems like she only really cares about herself sometimes and that breaks my heart. I know she cares, but sometimes I think she does things on purpose to push her limits and it's gonna end her up in trouble, why won't she listen? And our friends are always over here, our bills are sky-high cause they are always playing guitars, computer, etc, for hours 7 hours. Me & D never have time together...we'll we've made a decision on that, doesn't matter that we live closer to town, it's gotta stop. I feel like all this & more that i won't even type on the net is too much, it's just SO much right now.  I know I'm not really going crazy, but I'm beyond overwhelmed with problems, & my emotions are getting me depressed, which I always do this time of year, my own personal sadness, but this year it's worst, yet another lost, just another life gone. When is the sun gonna shine again, shine to my heart, I swear I'll let it in.